Clintons Blasted By South Carolina ASPCA

The Clintons are in hot water for some remarks they made about dogs.
The Clintons are in hot water for some remarks they made about dogs.

Myrtle Beach, SC — A major gaffe by Hillary and Bill Clinton has the entire state of South Carolina and the DNC buzzing.

“A fundraiser gone horribly wrong,” said a distraught Robby Mook, Hillary’s campaign manager. “This might just cost her the nomination.”

At a $10,000 per plate dinner at the affluent Myrtle Beach Dog Breeders Association, Bill and Hillary dropped a faux pas of epic proportion, according to local ASPCA director, Lois Sheppard.

“The Clinton fundraising dinner included a showing of local prize-winning breeds,” said Ms. Sheppard. “When the trainers finished showing their prize pooches, the dogs were asked to lie still and relax as the gala continued. One large Labrador retriever, as dogs will be dogs, decided to put on a show of his own, and began to lick his private parts. The dog’s trainer, a bit embarrassed by the spectacle, went over and put a stop to the behavior.”

According to Ms. Sheppard, at that same time, the Clintons were engaged in a conversation that, unbeknownst to them, was being recorded.

“You will have to listen to the recording yourself,” continued an incredulous Ms. Sheppard,  “because I could never bring myself to repeat the disturbing content.

Gish Gallop was able to gain access to the recording, as we were tagging along with the Associated Press. Hillary Clinton was heard to say to Bill, as the dog licked himself, “I wish you could do that.” Bill chuckled and replied, “Yeah, me too. But I should probably ask him first!” Then they both howled with laughter.

The Republican Senate is expected to announce an investigation into the internet habits of the two politicians.

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Shady Grove
Shady Grove was born Eugene Wojohouski, May 9th, 1965, in Oyster Bay, Long Island, New York. As a young boy, he had a penchant for shiny objects and colorful stones. His claims of being able to look into the stones and see the future, as well a being able to find buried treasure, were met generally with great skepticism and an occasional tight wedgie. He attended Hicksville High School on Long Island where he excelled at spending the day locked in various school gym lockers, day dreaming, and organizing show tune ensembles with his friends… While in high school, he met his soul mate, Whimsy Goldblatt… After graduation, Eugene and Whimsy were wed in a civil ceremony and left New York for the sunshine and carefree shores of California… This pissed their parents off something awful… Eugene took a job at the docks in San Pedro, California, for a tuna canning company, while Whimsy waited tables in a longshoreman’s diner… Eugene soon earned a reputation as a “shady” character after swindling several of his coworkers with his treasure stones… One afternoon, Whimsy brought Eugene some lunch… They slipped into the canning plant for some privacy and while making passionate love on a suspended steel girder, Whimsy slipped and plunged 40 feet into the tuna steaming vat below… Eugene, fearing that he would lose his job, and maybe worse, did not report the incident to anyone… Whimsy became a small part of 10,000 cans of tuna… Eugene put the incident behind him, did a stint in the military, where he changed his name to Shady Grove, and then moved to San Francisco where he opened an open mic nightclub for poetry and show tunes… He later became a saucier at the posh Bourges Hotel and wrote a regular column for the “Bay Area Breeze”, a publication dedicated to the preservation of show tunes and those who love them…Though he never remarried, he has been in a long term partnership with a woman pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman… He is now retired somewhere in Gold Country where he spends his time raising two puppies, boating in the cool waters, tending his herb garden, and writing freelance reports for several news agencies…
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