CNN: Hillary Puts Huma Weiner In Charge Of Bill’sStaff

Wolf Blitzer is reporting that Hillary Clinton put Huma in charge of Bill Clinton's Staff.
Wolf Blitzer is reporting that Hillary Clinton put Huma in charge of Bill Clinton’s Staff.

Washington, DC — Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton in an effort to slow down the thunder of a new FBI investigation into her email server scandal has assigned longtime aide Huma Abedin Weiner to her husband’s staff. CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer caught up with Hillary’s campaign manager, Robby Mook for an interview.

“President Clinton was in need of some fresh faces on his staff,” stated Robby Mook. “Mrs. Clinton felt like Huma was the best choice to handle her husband’s staff. Mrs. Weiner has spent many years with the Clinton machine and knows exactly how the former president likes his staff handled.”

When Wolf questioned whether or not, in light of the recent FBI revelations, this was just a smoke and mirrors attempt to hide Mrs. Weiner from the press, Mr. Mook said, “There are no smoke and mirrors. We have nothing to hide, nor does Mrs. Weiner. The Clintons were concerned that there didn’t seem to be any excitement within the former president’s staff. This lack of excitement was causing former president Clinton to be dull and listless while stumping for his wife. We actually had supporters ask if Mr. Clinton might be suffering from Alzheimer’s or something.”

“But you can see how people might think that this is a deflection by the Clinton campaign,” Wolf followed up.

“All you have to do is look at the spring in president Clinton’s step to see the truth,” Mook defended. Huma Weiner walked right in and whipped the president’s staff into shape and brought back the excitement that we remember from the 1990’s. He’s got that twinkle back in his eye and his staff is standing tall and back in the game.”

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Shady Grove
Shady Grove was born Eugene Wojohouski, May 9th, 1965, in Oyster Bay, Long Island, New York. As a young boy, he had a penchant for shiny objects and colorful stones. His claims of being able to look into the stones and see the future, as well a being able to find buried treasure, were met generally with great skepticism and an occasional tight wedgie. He attended Hicksville High School on Long Island where he excelled at spending the day locked in various school gym lockers, day dreaming, and organizing show tune ensembles with his friends… While in high school, he met his soul mate, Whimsy Goldblatt… After graduation, Eugene and Whimsy were wed in a civil ceremony and left New York for the sunshine and carefree shores of California… This pissed their parents off something awful… Eugene took a job at the docks in San Pedro, California, for a tuna canning company, while Whimsy waited tables in a longshoreman’s diner… Eugene soon earned a reputation as a “shady” character after swindling several of his coworkers with his treasure stones… One afternoon, Whimsy brought Eugene some lunch… They slipped into the canning plant for some privacy and while making passionate love on a suspended steel girder, Whimsy slipped and plunged 40 feet into the tuna steaming vat below… Eugene, fearing that he would lose his job, and maybe worse, did not report the incident to anyone… Whimsy became a small part of 10,000 cans of tuna… Eugene put the incident behind him, did a stint in the military, where he changed his name to Shady Grove, and then moved to San Francisco where he opened an open mic nightclub for poetry and show tunes… He later became a saucier at the posh Bourges Hotel and wrote a regular column for the “Bay Area Breeze”, a publication dedicated to the preservation of show tunes and those who love them…Though he never remarried, he has been in a long term partnership with a woman pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman… He is now retired somewhere in Gold Country where he spends his time raising two puppies, boating in the cool waters, tending his herb garden, and writing freelance reports for several news agencies…
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Joe
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Do you have photos of the first staff meeting?

Webmaster Tim
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We get it. Pics or GTFO.

Joe
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I’m just suggesting that it would be tragic if Hillary were to finally be brought down by a leaking Weiner…

Webmaster Tim
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Is this a pitch for a story?