Washington D.C. — Several news outlets are reporting a mass-outbreak of the deadly coronavirus in the halls of Congress. The first case was reported last night, possibly infecting an aide, but has soon spread to several members of Congress. According to the Centers for Disease Control or CDC, the entire Capitol Building has been locked down until further notice.

The coronavirus outbreak originated in China. Generally, coronaviruses are a large family of viruses that can cause respiratory illnesses such as the common cold. Most people get infected with coronaviruses at one point in their lives, but symptoms are typically mild to moderate. In some cases, the viruses can cause lower-respiratory tract illnesses such as pneumonia and bronchitis.

However, this strain of the virus is extremely deadly and seems to gravitate towards politicians.

Given the scope of the outbreak, officials are stressing the importance of remaining calm. However, despite what officials fear would be widespread panic and mayhem, most Americans are comfortable and perfectly calm regarding the news.

“Whatever, as long as it stays there, I’m good,” said 38-year-old shoe salesman and father of two Alfred Bundy. “I mean, what do I have to worried about. I’ve had all my shots.”



An emergency medical away team has been dispatched from Atlanta to Washington, D.C. However, they encountered a snag when a group of tourists blocked them from entering the Capitol building.

“Our crew arrived all ready to go in our hazmat suits,” said Dr. Gene Kentworth of the CDC. “But there was this group of visitors out in front of the Capitol who kept us from going in. One told us, ‘just give it a little more time, would ya?'”

According to Dr. Kentworth, the building will be cordoned off until the virus has subsided or everyone dies on the inside.