Sandusky, OH — According to a new poll released this weekend by the Palo Alto-based Artificial Intelligence firm The Rundex Family Foundation, a significant majority of Americans say they will cast their vote for the lethal Coronavirus over any other candidate. The survey, which took place over the past week, reflects American’s frustration about the state of our government.
“Well, the data doesn’t lie,” said Rundex lead researcher Robert Colvin speaking from his Mountain View, CA home office. “And you know what doesn’t lie? Our patented Rundex RunAI™ analysis engine. There’s nothing that screws up data collection and analysis that humans. Just ask my wife. Anyhow, even we were shocked about how many people are rooting for the deadly Coronavirus. 67% is quite a bit.”
Mr. Colvin went on to say that the number in favor of the Coronavirus eclipsed 2016’s human-driven survey, which found that 56% of Americans favored a molten-hot, Earth-ending meteor over either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. When asked who the remaining 33% wanted, Mr. Colvin’s face grew ashen.
“The balance went to old white guys in this order: Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, and Joe Biden. Sanders got 20% with many writing in the margin ‘f*ck it, what have we got to lose?’, with Trump getting 9% with margin notes that included ‘f*ck it, f*ck everything.’ We believe the balance of respondents accidentally voted for Joe Biden who got as many votes as Hostess Ding Dongs.”
The survey included registered and likely voters in crucial swing States; States where President Trump is concentrating his campaign efforts and Democrats are completely ignoring.
“I’ve just given up on everything, and I welcome the Coronavirus overload,” said Glen Rock, Pennsylvania independent voter David Covino speaking with the Associated Press on Saturday. “Everyone is so entrenched in their opinions and not changing their minds, you know? I would welcome any natural disaster that ends this nonsense.”
As for Mr. Colvin, being a company man, he says more research is needed.
“More studies are needed,” continued Mr. Colvin. “I mean, there could be new viruses on the horizon that voters might be interested in. And let’s not forget, hurricane season will be upon soon, which becomes a key candidate in the many Republican-dominated States.”