County Sheriff to Acquire Nation’s First Robocop

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Robocop seen here at Nevada Union High School as a part of the Sheriff's outreach program.
Sheriff to Acquire Nation’s First Robocop

Nevada County, CA — Nevada County Sheriff officials have announced plans to acquire the Nation’s first Robocop to combat the “growing ominous nuisance of local citizens.”

“We are pleased to be the first to pilot this new law enforcement technology,” said Sheriff Keith Royal in a Wednesday afternoon press conference. “The law-abiding citizens of Nevada County have nothing to worry about, because they are law-abiding and we are the good guys. Robocop is a good guy too.”

The Robocop program was a joint project between the United States Department of Defense, the mega-corporation Omni Consumer Products (OCP) company and the city of Detroit who declined to implement their own creation. Robocop is a mechanical  police cyborg device whose mission is to “serve the public trust, protect the innocent, and uphold the law.”

Originally the Nevada City, CA police department applied for the Federal Robocop grant, but pulled out at the last moment due to public outcry and the desire to use funds to purchase Segway transportation devices. The Grass Valley police department was in line to purchase an earlier mechanical  police cyborg prototype called the ED-209, but the order was canceled after this preliminary enforcement “droid” accidentally killed an OCP executive at their Detroit headquarters back in May.

Despite this Federally-subsidized Robocop giveaway, many locals are concerned about what this new level of police automation means for police/citizen relationships.

“This increasing police militarization is deeply concerning to me,” said Grass Valley resident Chip Day outside Culture Shock Frozen Yogurt on Mill Street. “They are supposed to protect and serve us. Not the other way around.”

Implementation of the Sheriff’s new Robocop is slated to begin prior to November 28th, which is also known as “Black Friday” the busiest shopping day of the year. According to insiders, Robocop will make his first appearance just past McKnight Way on Highway 49 waving at citizens as they leave town to “shop down the hill” as a part of a shop local campaign.

Gish Gallop will provide updates on this important story as they become available.

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Victor Jang
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Victor Jang

Very good, Nevada City! My only *small* misgiving is that the Robocop
seems a bit top-heavy and Nevada City streets are a bit hilly,
presenting dangerously uneven walking surfaces. The last thing we want is for one of
these gargantuan cyber law-enforcers to tip over and roll wildly down
main street, crushing out-of-town visitors or truly *innocent* locals in its pursuit
of the riff-raff.

Mistergilgamesh
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Mistergilgamesh

Perhaps good citizens can leave cans of organic protein pudding on their doorsteps as a sign of good will towards the new policeman.