County Supervisors Approve Microbrewery and Fellatio Bar

Risque Business' plans to take over the Alpha Building.
Risque Business’ plans to take over the Alpha Building.

Nevada County, CA — In a private and unannounced session, the Nevada County Board of Supervisors voted to allow multinational adult lifestyles company Risque Business, inc. to open a microbrewery and “fellatio” bar within Nevada County. Although a location has not been selected, insiders say that developers are targeting the iconic Alpha Building in downtown Nevada City for their first of several locations.

According to outgoing District 1 Supervisor Nate Beason, “[t]hey [Risque] put up one helluva good argument on their behalf. The Board of Supervisors had zero grounds on which to reject their license request. The Board did, however, deny a liquor license for the establishment.” Mr. Beason would not expound on the particulars of the argument or the nature of the business that would be conducted there. He did add that the vote was lopsided in favor of approval.

We caught up to President and CEO of Risque, Peter Dragon on the steps of the Eric Rood Administrative Center, and asked him if he was pleased with the outcome of the hearing.

“Of course it’s nice to get your plan approved, but we would have liked to have been approved for the liquor license too,” he said. “We do feel that after 6 to 12 months of steady and stable business, we will apply again to the Board and the ABC for the license,” Mr. Dragon added.

Gish Gallop asked to explain to us exactly what is a Microbrewery and Fellatio Bar? Mr. Dragon smirked and chortled, “I suppose if I have to explain it to you, you probably are not in our target audience,” and shot me a wink. He went on to explain that Risque inc. is a leader in adult entertainment nationwide, with many brothels and “fellatio bars” across the country. He explained that fellatio does not fall under prostitution statutes as a sex act, at least not since August 17, 1998, when former President Bill Clinton declared that his oral encounters with Ms. Lewinsky were not sex acts.

 President Bill Clinton declared that his oral encounters with Ms. Lewinsky were not sex acts (AP Photo/OIC)
President Bill Clinton declared that his oral encounters with Ms. Lewinsky were not sex acts (AP Photo/OIC)

“We successfully argued this point before the board. What could they say? Dare they call President Clinton a liar?’ Mr. Dragon questioned. When we asked about the details of wares they would be peddling at the bar, he referred us to his personal assistant, Mia Deu’Shnozzel for a more in-depth accounting of product and pricing. Ms. Deu’Shnozzel was very direct when questioned about the establishment.

“We plan to open the brewery to the public just after Thanksgiving. We feel there is a great need for companionship during the holidays,” she stated. She also added, “we will be just like most other microbrewery, eatery joints, good food, craft beers, sporting events on 30 big screens, except our patrons will have the ability to procure a happy ending, as it were.”

The brewery/fellatio bar is set to open it’s doors in late November, at a yet to be disclosed location within the county. According to Ms. Deu’Shnozzel, the bar will be titled, “This Bar Sucks.”

No other County Supervisors were available for comment. After the hearing, the Board members were ushered into a limousine bound for an undisclosed Mercedes dealership.

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