Cuba Thanks US For Lowering Diplomat Payroll

Cuban state-run television released a statement thanking President Trump for lowering its diplomatic costs.
Cuban state-run television released a statement thanking President Trump for lowering its diplomatic costs.

Havana, Cuba — On the heels of President Trump thanking Vladimir Putin for ejecting hundreds of diplomats from the country, the official Cuban news agency Prensa Latina interrupted a live broadcast on state-run television to thank the United States, mentioning President Trump in person, for also lowering its diplomatic payroll.

President Trump said Thursday that he was “very thankful” that Russian President Vladimir Putin had ordered the expulsion of hundreds of U.S. diplomats from the country in response to sanctions because, as the president stated, “the administration needs to cut the State Department’s budget anyway.”

“I want to thank him because we’re trying to cut down our payroll, and as far as I’m concerned, I’m very thankful that he let go of a large number of people because now we have a smaller payroll,” Trump told reporters at his Bedminster, N.J., golf club.

After softening its hard-line stance during the Obama Administration, the government with President Trump at the helm began to reverse many of its pro-Cuba policies. And although he did campaign as a “jobs” president, he sees this diplomatic job loss as a boon to the economy.

In what some are saying is related news, U.S. officials say a string of bizarre incidents left a group of American diplomats in Havana with severe hearing loss attributed to a covert sonic device. The Cuban government flatly rejected the allegations later in the day, saying in a lengthy statement that “Cuba has never permitted, nor will permit, that Cuban territory is used for any action against accredited diplomatic officials or their families, with no exception.”

In an official government statement regarding what is now being called the Cuban WiFi event in the United States, the regime noted, “because Cuba does provide free and excellent health care to all people in the country, they thought it best to send Trump’s diplomats back to the tender care of their home country, after making them very, very sick. ”

Vladimir Putin laughed loudly in Russian when asked to comment.

“We have many boats that would love to visit Cuba. Without the American spies there, the beaches and bays are our beaches,” said Mr. Putin chuckling his way through his comment. “We will even just go and take Guantanamo. get rid of the people and give the kennel to the dogs.”

The source of the diplomats’ sickness appears to have been a spruced-up 5Ghz WiFi router broadcasting at an illegal 200 watts being used in the building by a Facebook troll. Pedro Robinson has been booked into a Havana prison for turning his WiFi up beyond safe limits. The reports have been deemed suspicious by the United States State Department.

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