DAPL Protesters Return to Find Oil Drilling on Local Lake

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It seems as local activists were away protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline, energy giants were drilling for oil in their own backyards.
It seems as local activists were away protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline, energy giants were drilling for oil in their own backyards.

Nevada County, CA — Nevada County activists who recently returned from Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL) protests in South Dakota were shocked to find out that in their absence, the multi-national conglomerate Energy Transfer Partners (ETP) had started oil exploration on Lake Spaulding. It’s unclear why the company, who partnered with utility giant Pacific, Gas and Electric (PG&E), decided to start such a massive operation, however vocal Nevada City community activist Saihra Ramun speculated that it was a conspiratorial plot to seize possible oil resources while ‘water protector’  protesters were distracted at DAPL.

“Don’t think we don’t know what’s going on here,” said a frustrated Ms. Ramun speaking via bull born to Gish Gallop in front of Nevada City’s New York Hotel. “They were just waiting to destroy the environment while we weren’t looking, and they started these illegal drilling operations on [Lake] Spaulding. There’s only so many of us who can fight against the fossil fuel industries desires to destroy Earth, and they know that. In fact, I’m beginning to think that the whole DAPL thing was a false flag to distract people like me. But this kind of stuff works on unwoke sheeples, not me.”

Lake Spaulding is a pristine reservoir created by a dam and has a capacity of 74,773 acre feet. It also supports recreational camping, boating, fishing, and underwater diving and now natural gas ‘fracking’ and oil production. According to a spokes person for Energy Transfer Partners, the Lake Spaulding operation has been planned for years as a part of its “Look Inward America” initiative to find domestic energy sources.

“We take our jobs seriously at ETP,” said spokesperson Bethany Millbright from their Dallas, TX headquarters. “One of our primary jobs, aside from providing shareholder value, is to make sure America is not dependent on foreign energy sources. The Lake Spaulding program has been in the works for over 15 years. There have been numerous hearings with very little public input and participation. There certainly has been no conflict or dissent up to this point, so we have no plans on halting the oil and natural gas exploration.”

Others had a more sobering observations, like Grass Valley handyman Hank Snow who offered his opinion after lunch at Maria’s Mexican Restaurant.

“Welp, that ‘oughta teach ’em,” noted Mr. Snow who wiped his greasy hands on his already soiled white t-shirt. “Here you got all these people rushing up North Dakota [editor’s note: South Dakota], when we’ve got all these problems here that they’re ignoring. I mean, take a look at the local Nisenan tribe. Nobody gives a damn about them. They’ve been totally screwed by the government and landowners. Where’s the outrage, eh? Oh, that’s right, it’s 1000 miles from here.”

The ETP contact for drilling and exploration will expire in 2020 and Ms. Millbright claims the initial operation has produced several thousand barrels of oil and over a million cubic yards of natural gas.

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