Lowell, OR — According to several self-proclaimed “patriot spies” living in eastern Oregon, several trains were spotted this week moving along the Springfield-Lowell Oregon line carrying what they claim are “huge tanks of coronavirus.” The Oregon Knight Patriots or OKP, who are an unofficial offshoot of the Virginia militia group Armed Patriots Against Radical Terrorists or APART, said they snapped several pictures to back up their claims.
We’ve been keeping around the clock surveillance on the train yard,” said OKP leader, Moses Walker, 56. “Our intel led us to believe that the Democrats were seeding the coronavirus up and down the West Coast and the Northeast. We took it upon ourselves to protect the country we love. That’s what patriots do.”
According to Walker, he has his team of 27 patriots first got wind of what they call the “demoncrat virus trains” after following several internet chatrooms associated with QAnon. QAnon is a far-right conspiracy theory detailing a supposed secret plot by an alleged “deep state” against U.S. President Donald Trump and his supporters.
“I don’t have no Internet at my house, but our chief communication guy Steve L. said Q knew all about the trains, but couldn’t do anything about them because it would expose his whereabouts. But it all makes sense when you put it together,” continued a terse Mr. Walker.
When asked why the Democrats had this plan, Walker grew serious.
“The Democrats couldn’t get Trump with Russia or the impeachment. So they worked up a plan with the Chicoms [Chinese Communists] to manufacture this disease to take him down. We’re not going to allow that to happen. You’ll just have to wait and see.”
When reached for comment, their Virginia parent organization APART said they knew nothing of OKP’s operations, but also said they were able and willing to help as soon as most of their militia is released from prison.
“This is personal to me,” said APART leader Rob Remus who’s currently on probation following what the Virginia state police called his illegal, vigilante counterterrorism campaigns. “We are at a crucial point in history. Like President Trump says, it’s time for America first. Them Democrats must be stopped at all costs. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that they’re spreading these cernunna[sic] viruses to make our God-chosen President look bad.”
As for Moses Walker, he’s tight-lipped about OKP’s plans.
“Well, I’m not at liberty to tell you what we have planned. I mean, we’ve shared these photos on the Facebook and the Twitter. Steve L. tells me they’re getting a lot of shares, whatever that means. Anyhow, we’re not gonna let these demonrats get away with it.”