Penn Valley, CA — Hordes of concerned citizens descended on yesterday’s Western Gateway Park monthly board meeting at Buttermaker’s Cottage. The overflow crowd was demanding loudly that something be done about the problem of dog excrement on the walking trails, as was recently reported by the Gish Gallop.
After much discussion, suggestions centered on either DNA testing of dog feces or installing video cameras throughout the park, both of which were rejected by the board as being too expensive.
“We simply don’t have the budget!” insisted vice-chair Dan House. The crowd however remained restless and catcalls of “no more dogs” and “no more taxes” could be heard.
After Rough and Ready resident and dog lover Stevie Wynott took the floor, the discussion took a different direction. “Dog poop is not the real problem here, people” he exclaimed. “You can walk around that! What about the horse manure?” he queried. “It’s so big it blocks the whole trail!”
Board Chair Aleta Wallace hammered her gavel to restore order to the noisy crowd, than calmly explained, “Riding horses on the walking trails is already forbidden. In fact we have two signs posted at the beginning of the trails stating just that.”
As the crowd continued to jostle for room Mr. Wynott continued his rant. “I demand the same treatment for the equestrians as is required for the dog owners.” He railed. “Make them pick up their own horse shit!” Once again the crowd erupted in noisy debate.
By the end of the meeting the board had unanimously passed three resolutions. The first affirming that no horses were allowed on the walking trails, the second that horse owners were responsible for cleaning up after their horses, and the third that anyone riding a horse anywhere within park property be required to carry :
- (A) at least one 32 gallon plastic trash bag, suitable for transporting horse feces
- (B) either a large spatula or a pair of rubber gloves.
Signmaker Mike Boxer volunteered to make a new “Please clean up after horses” sign for posting at the park entrance.