Phoenix, AZ — In a bold move, Donald Trump announced at the Grand Canyon today that he was switching parties and would run as a liberal Democrat.
“I’m tired of these losers fighting against my nomination,” he shouted to a stunned crowd in Florida. “If they won’t get outta my way I’ll go around ’em. From here on out I run as a Democrat.”
Trumps supporters were hesitant but seemed to accept his switch in party, seeing it as a strategic, even laudable move.
“He’s a great businessman. If he thinks he can close the deal better as a Democrat then I trust him,” said Gavin McNugent of Apple Valley, CA. “As long as he keeps telling it like it is, I’m with Trump.”
Trump has moved aggressively to assure supporters that his disregard for political correctness will survive the move.
“I said this Pope is a lightweight before, but I meant to say all Catholic clergy, and mind you I’m a very religious and tolerant man, all Catholic clergy are pedophiles and it’s a disgrace,” he bellowed.
Trump’s gamble may be risky, but so far it appears to be working, as liberals are lining up to abandon tact and lob insults at anyone they disagree with.
“For my whole life I’ve continually reminded myself that not all country music fans are poor, or white, or uneducated,” said Ashlyn Gere of Los Angeles, CA. “Now I can finally write off the entire group as a bunch off illiterate cousin fuckers. It’s like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.”
Another new Trump convert, retired Physics professor Carl Dawkins was similarly relieved.
“I’ve always thought muttering to some magical sky friend was about the dumbest thing a person could do; something a shaved ape still worshiping fire would consider helpful. But I have religious friends and thought they and others like them deserved a modicum of respect. Now with Trump telling it like it is I feel empowered to start calling them idiots.”
“What a unifier Trump has turned out to be,” he continued. “I feel completely free now, unrestrained. Trump 2016!”