Dallas, Texas — After a successful visit through the Lone Star state, President Donald Trump surprised his Dallas supporters by revealing that he has a Christian Stigmata on his left hand. Speaking in front of a joint audience of the Texas Conservative Coalition and the Christian Coalition of America, Mr. Trump had just finished discussing his three favorite books: Time to Get Tough, The Art of the Deal and the Bible. As he spoke of the Bible, the controversial Republican President seemed confused and started to abruptly exit. As he left the podium, a collective gasp arose from the audience as he raised his right hand clearly revealing a Stigmata.
“I was absolutely awestruck when I saw it,” said Dallas resident Betsy Myers in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “We were all very worried that ‘The Donald’ lacked the Christian credentials to lead this county out our dark times. But after he raised his hand, we saw in him the leader that America needs.”
Stigmata (singular stigma) is a term used by members of the Christian faith to describe body marks, sores, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, such as the hands, wrists, and feet. The term originates from the line at the end of Saint Paul’s Letter to the Galatians where he says, “I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.”
There was no comment from the White House regarding the Stigmata. When asked about it, Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer only said, “we hope that America sees he is a man who is what he says,” and provided no further comment.