Donald Trump to Star in a Remake of the Shining

Donald Trump to start as Donald Trump in a remake of the Shining next year.
Donald Trump to start as Donald Trump in a remake of the Shining next year.

Overlook Hotel, CO — Following the contentious 2016 presidential election, Donald Trump, working with former campaign chair and counsel Steve Bannon has started producing an improvement upon the Kubrick classic The Shining and features a cameo by Scott Baio as maintenance man Dick Hallorann.

According to sources close to Paramount Pictures, the studio responsible for its release, Stephen King has not signed on-board for the project. However according to Paramount lawyer Sal Abendroth, Mr. King gave up any rights to the film during the first production directed by Stanley Kubrick.

“Look, Mr. King gave up all his rights to the book back when Kubrick directed it,” said Mr. Abendroth in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “And we know he’s not happy about it, but it is what it is. Now that we have Bannon re-writing the screenplay into the next great American movie, we’re sure audiences will be thrilled with Mr. Trump’s performance. It’s a natural fit, if you ask me.”

According to sources close to the rewrite of the Shining, Donald Trump will be playing the lead role of Jack Torrance, but insists on playing himself. He’s requested that Rosie O’Donnell play the role of his wife Wendy, and “Wee Man,” made famous by the Jackass film series play his son Donnie, Jr. (Originally named Danny Torrance).

Filming is set to begin in 2019 in Colorado, with sets also located in Las Vegas.

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