Washington, D.C. — Among the many scandals plaguing the Trump administration in the last few weeks, the secret arms deal Trump negotiated with Middle Eastern nations appears to have evaded the scrutiny of the mainstream media. The deal, which would supply ISIS by indirect means over forty million rounds of ammunition for their war effort will likely add forty million rounds of ammunition to the ISIS arsenal.
ISIS is a huge group of strategists who, besides hating your president, also make a ton of money off him. That’s because they know they can invest in winning. As in, Trump selling them millions of rounds of ammunition winning. This comes at a time when the Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller appears likely to appear before the House Judiciary and Intelligence Committees investigating Russian business dealings and election tampering in the United States, both of which oddly favored Trump.
President Trump, through some connections he has to an Iranian black marketeer, has worked out a genius move whereby he will sell ISIS 40 million rounds of ammunition, a move he says will win us the war against Islamic terrorism.
Critics are quick to call the Trump-negotiated arms deal a bad idea, including every US military general still alive today. General Powell called it “racist.” President Trump, however, knows what needs to be done, and how quickly we must do it. A little further investigation revealed his ingenious plan for peace.
Hollywood may be chock-full of a bunch of liberal refuse, but Donald Trump knows how to put those degenerates to work to save our nation. Illegally selling ISIS a few million blanks is more than a little Los Angeles suburb living well beyond its means was willing to contribute to the American cause. Trump doesn’t care. Hollywood can wait, there’s a war to win. The President just needs ISIS to be firing blanks. Blanks are liberal showbiz props that make guns look real on-screen – they look and act like real bullets – but there is no payload. No holes in people.
“We don’t know how long before the blanks become their primary source of ammunition, but we do know that day is coming. We will be ready,” commented US Secretary of State Mike (Plumy) Pompeo. “The moment they are filling their rifles with our blanks, their goose is cucked.”
While Hollywood may squander gunpowder for fake bullets in the use of fake movie effects, Donald Trump has out-smarted the Generals in figuring out how best to use all that Hollywood liberal firepower. Yes, it appears that while you were whimpering about Trump’s latest doddering gaff and tweet, he was putting together a masterful plan that may change the international landscape for the better.
Men firing blanks has been a disadvantage to many families for many cycles, but leave it to Trump to turn it into an advantage for the country.
“I told you I was smarter than the generals, I really did” purrs Trump at his recent pep rally, “by selling all the Hollywood fake bullets to ISIS through my guy in Azerbaijan, I am able to turn around this war on the guys we’re fighting, and the Democrats aren’t.”
He went on to say, “Killary never thought of this, and neither did Obama. That’s why I’m smarter than educated people.”
Michael Flynn was unable to comment.
“Trump really is winning, but not in the way everybody expected,” backpedaled Rachel Maddow on MSNBC, “well, you know I mean.”
[Editor’s note: As of this writing US troops have reported many ISIS rounds fired appear to be “never hitting anything at all.”]