North Shore Lake Tahoe, CA — California Gavin Newsom and Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak signed emergency State Senate bills last week to help ease water shortages due to the record-breaking droughts in their respective states.

The approved bills state that the Truckee River Dam (Lake Tahoe’s only outlet) will release nearly 10 times the normal water volume out of Lake Tahoe until the states’ reservoir waters return back to normal levels. Two-thirds of that Lake Tahoe water will funnel towards the Central Valley and Southern California and the rest will flow to Reno and Pyramid Lake in Nevada.

California and Nevada have been hit the hardest of any states in past years’ droughts. Nearly 40% of the state of Nevada was in extreme drought in summers past and California had the nation’s worst drought a few years back with 76% of the state experiencing extreme drought. Governor Newsom is prepared to declare a state of emergency if required on a moment’s notice.


The shortage of potable water has been so severe in the past, that California is now investing in long-term solutions, such as desalination plants. A facility that is scheduled to be the largest in the Western hemisphere is now under construction in Southern California, and another desalination facility is under consideration in Orange County.

Governor Sisolak tried to reduce concerns about lowered water levels in Lake Tahoe.

“In autumn, winter, and spring, when it’s as cold as a witch’s tit in a brass brassiere,” noted Governor Sisolak, “nobody will be out on the lake anyway.”  The Governor also noted that Lake Tahoe’s water levels are a renewable resource supplied each spring from the melting snow pack of 63 streams.


Governor Newsom backed Governor Sisolak with statistics from The University of California, Davis.

“No need to worry about where we are today, in the short-term. Just try to wrap your head around some numbers,” announced Governor Newsom.” Lake Tahoe has 39 trillion gallons of water. Thirty. Nine. Trillion. Gallons. That is enough water to supply everyone man, woman, and child in the United States with 75 gallons of water per day for five years. And we only need to tap into Tahoe until the state reservoir levels are back to normal, which we estimate to be four to twelve years from now.”

Initial reaction to the news by Tahoe locals ran the gamut of emotions. Gish Gallop asked chairlift operator and bartender Jason Munkel, of Tahoma, California for his opinion outside a Pythagorean Bogina concert in Crystal Bay, Nevada.

“Initially, I was super bummed that we were wasting all this water to keep the lawns green down in Bakersfield or wherever,” said a somewhat befuddled Mr. Munkel, “but I think we might see some of the best whitewater rapids ever on the Truckee River. I’m going kayaking with a couple of my buddies after Labor Day weekend, from Tahoe City all the way down to Pyramid Lake, and we will record it with the new GoPro® HERO3+ cameras. Look for us on YouTube, it’s gonna be sick.”

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Get to Work People
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Get to Work People

Well here we are 2 years later and we are being overwhelmed with too much snow and rain and the Truckee River is over flowing its banks. They said above it may take 10-12 years to replenish our water supplies, well, it took 2.

davyb
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davyb

this is complete BS

TheDirtmover
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TheDirtmover

NO…. You guys have it all wrong! State of the art horizontal drilling.. It’s going on as we speak from an undisclosed facility just East by South East of Colfax. It’s been going on for some time now.
( Where do you think Hanson Bros. is getting rock from?) The operation actually is drilling up hill, and is scheduled to tap the bottom of the lake by July.

Will
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Will

Are you able to share any sources of further info on the topic? I can’t find anything aside from this article (which is literally a joke).

TheDirtmover
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TheDirtmover

Sorry,, it’s top secret. But I can tell you it’s being funded by the pot farmers who need the water.
Besides. Why should all the rich people who can afford to live on the lake hord all that water for their own personal benefit? The rich ECO LIB types need to “share the wealth”.

David
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David

How do they plan on getting the water from Lake Tahoe to Calif. Since the only place the Truckee goes is into Nevada. How are they going to get it over Donner Summit?

Horace Georgeman
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Dutch engineered state-of-the-art water flume designed to empty into the Yuba River.

Will
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Will

David this is satirical article. Don’t worry; they aren’t draining Tahoe.

Michele Lea
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Michele Lea

It’s not satirical. Being discussed @ the capitol seriously.

Will
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Will

You have a link to any sites/articles that discuss this? Because this website posts satirical articles. http://www.gishgallop.com/terms-and-conditions/ – Read second paragraph.