Birmingham, AL – Easter, the day of Christ’s rising from death after being crucified at the hands of the Romans. It is a day celebrated like most holidays, on Facebook.
Facebook user Raymond Wallersnoot started his day as many of us do, by checking Facebook. After viewing a few cat videos and sharing a Trump is My President meme, his trouble began. Raymond read a message from the local Church of God saying, “He is Risen!” Upon reading it Raymond panicked, he remembered all those episodes of “The Walking Dead” he watched and thought the Church was sending him a warning.
Raymond called his cousin Earl and explained that zombies were attacking. And Earl then told his girlfriend Misty who then informed the rest of their trailer park about the impending apocalypse. Within 15 minutes 32 armed persons in 6 pick-up trucks raced from the trailer park headed to the nearest Church of God.
At the local Church of God, Rev. William Smooth, III was giving his sermon to the 89 members of his congregation when all hell broke loose. The gunmen from the trailer park rushed in to the church shooting the large statue of Jesus on the cross in the head. The gunman was promptly arrested after a brief stand-off with police.
We spoke to Raymond at the Birmingham police station, where he was being held on charges of inciting a riot and reckless discharge of a weapon.
“Hell I thought it was a clean kill, I hit em’ in the head right through the eye,” said Raymond. “This is the thanks I get for saving a whole dang town of people from a zombie! They’re talking 20 years in jail!”
After calming down after the shooting, Rev. Smooth has decided to drop all charges. He said, “Jesus would forgive him for shooting him in the head, why shouldn’t we?”