4,000 Feet Below Sea Level — In a rare tweet from Mark Zuckerberg, the social media giant Facebook has announced it will be eliminating all groups associated with or related to spreading flat earth propaganda from its social media platform. Mr. Zuckerberg cited “as one of many reasons,” a young man’s suicide that occurred because the young man could no longer “live in a world of lies.”

The young man was a long-time flat earth advocate and flat earth shill on Facebook, primarily in flat earth groups. He was also known to post flat earth gibberish in recipe groups and dog injury groups as well, but that’s really beside the point. He was one of those people who does believe the earth is flat. Well, he did until he died.

Before Zuckerberg’s ghastly online invention, flat earth believers were relegated to the street corner, taking high-speed nickels to the forehead as they ranted and raved while cautiously drooling away from the change cup. Today, these so-called truthers run multiple Facebook groups with 100,000 members or more in each of them. All of these groups combined have a membership of over 650 billion, and they can influence your grandma.

Mark Zuckerberg has made clear his intentions to change all that mass-stupidity, perhaps saving your grandma and drunk uncle in the process. “After all,” Mark explains via Twitter, “I see you all as my children, and I still have to protect you.” [Author’s note: When I commented on how much that sounds like Koresh or Jim Jones, my boss, Louis, told me to stop being such a “conspiratard.” His Facebook account was immediately suspended.]

Though Twitter has since deleted Zuckerberg’s tweets, a few avid followers were able to grab screenshots of his announcement. @UponZuck27 sent us these:



Bethany Millbright, a Facebook spokesperson, told Gish Gallop via satellite on Thursday that, “As of October 2019, all flat earth affiliated groups on Facebook will be permanently archived. You will be able to see the groups, but you will no longer be able to post or comment. We will also get your little public pages, too.”

When asked what the hell she meant by that, Ms. Millbright replied, “Don’t question Zuck. Okay? Just… don’t.”

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Kike Killer
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Michael Tesh:
This article is NOT written well at all. Beginning with the first sentence, your use of a comma between “spreading” and “flat” should not even be there.
Quality writing these days is rare. Really rare.

Dwayne Gish
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Probably a result of drinking.

Alim El-Bey
Guest

…And NOW that quantum physicists are stating that the Earth, as well as, the whole universe is holographic is any better and will NOT result in any suicides or mental issues? This is the MOST absurd reasoning that I’ve ever read/heard of!!!

Ismael
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Ismael

Todos aquellos que intentan censurar, se ofenden o difaman el terraplanismo son aquellos que simplemente no les gusta escuchar otra religión más que la atea/ciencia “oficial”.

Desde lejos podemos ver cómo en las escuelas no se enseña el respeto y la libertad de pensamiento y expresión, al contrario pareciera ser que precisamente no vas a ser una persona humilde y con opiniones de respeto hacia los demás.

Desdemona
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Desdemona

Pero que rayos trastocados te pasan a tu cabeza de idiota?!?!?! Estas idioteces son puro americanas… y ahora los sudamericanos tambien??? Eres prueba que se tiene que volver a poner la marijuana en listas de drogas toxicas y PROHIBIDAS de nuevo! Seriously dude! You can hop on a plane and see the curve of the Earth. Who supports your flat Earth, dumbass? Atlas!??! FOOL! Get yourself to rehab and detox your fried brain. “Any questions?! wasn’t just an 80’s commercial. Is what should lead you to E-DU-CA-TION

Simon Ramos
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Simon Ramos

LOLOL!!!

good satirical globeturd nonsense bhahaha!..
DERP

zkdr
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zkdr

Ending of “Beyond the Curve”

Campanella watches when the light is activated at the same height as the holes, but the light can’t be seen on the camera screen. “Lift up your light, way above your head,” Campanella says. With the compensation made for the curvature of the Earth, the light immediately appears on the camera. “Interesting,” Campanella says. “That’s interesting.” The documentary ends.

You guys are absolute MORONS.

Simon Ramos
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Simon Ramos

Netflix???
lolol turn off your mainstream media before you fry your remaining brain cells that you might have left…
DERP