Cyberspace — A Facebook argument broke out earlier this week when a self-proclaimed “Flat Earther” accused a believer of the competing Hollow Earth Theory that he was not only out of touch, but also dangerously wrong. The discussion started like most in the popular ILLUMITARDI Facebook Group, with the Flat Earthers starting an incendiary conversation about how everyone else needs to wake up and stop being “sheeple.”
All was going as planned with the Flat Earthers, successfully out-shouting everyone else until Dwaine Hyatt, a believer in the Hollow Earth Theory had enough.
“I’m tired of all these flat-earth types getting all the attention,” said an annoyed Mr. Hyatt in a Gish Gallop email. “It’s because their ‘theory’–and calling it a theory is generous at best– is easier to understand for the uninitiated whereas the hollow earth hypothesis has been proven throughout the centuries with varying degrees of empirical inquiry. It requires some serious thinking.”
The Hollow Earth hypothesis proposes that the planet Earth either is entirely hollow or otherwise contains a substantial interior space. The scientific community has dismissed the notion since at least the late 18th century, which hasn’t stopped the chronically stupid from believing it.
The Flat Earth conspiracy is a collection of varying arguments for, as the name suggests, a flat earth. Obviously, this theory is extraordinarily stupid, as a 7-year-old with two sticks on a sunny day can disprove it. However, often these factions disagree on some of the finer details of this theory, but all believers maintain that the Hollow Earthers are ignorant assholes.
“Dwaine is one such amateur,” said Flat Earther Sam Shenton in a lengthy, rambling and somewhat manic Gish Gallop voicemail. “It’s one thing for the normal sheeple not to understand the implications of a flat earth. Any idiot would understand that’s just a part of the learning process. However, the hollow earth morons don’t seem to understand simple physics. They also seem ignorant of God’s word in the Bible.”
At the time of this writing, the so-called “Young Earthers,” or those that believe that the planet is somewhere between 5,700 and 10,000 years old, had not yet commented on the discussion thread, but ILLUMITARDI Facebook administrators think that they will chime in shortly.