Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer Enjoying His New Life Following Rock Band Phish

In a shocking turn of events, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced he was following the rock band Phish.
In a shocking turn of events, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced he was following the rock band Phish.

Washington, D.C. —  In a shocking turn of events, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced that he was abandoning his mainstream life to follow the rock band Phish.

“It’s just there’s only so much a man can take, you know? He hated my suits and wanted me to change my hair, have you seen his hair? He kept accusing me of being on SNL and in collusion with Rosie O’Donnell. I kept making up wilder and wilder claims to try to justify his statements, but no one was buying it, I can only take so much humiliation.”

However, it was what he said next that raised more than one eyebrow on Good Morning America where he made the announcement. The red-faced and sweaty now former Press Secretary went on.

“So, it came to me all of a sudden in the dead of night, ‘follow your dreams, Sean.’  I’ve been a rabid closet Phish fan since my college days, I’ve never been as happy in my life as I was that Summer I followed Phish across the country. I’m throwing caution to the wind and I’m going to recreate that happiness and follow my bliss. I mean the way things are going he’s going to get us all blown up anyway, so I might as well go out high on mushrooms listening to Manteca on the Page side Rage side, with a pretty hippie chick twirling next to me and a balloon of nitrous in my hand.”

The band Phish is a known for musical improvisation, extended jams, blending of genres, and a dedicated fan base. Its music blends elements of a variety of genres, including funk, progressive rock, psychedelic rock, folk, country, jazz, blues, bluegrass, and pop. Although the band has received little radio play or mainstream exposure, Phish has developed a large and dedicated following by word of mouth, the exchange of live recordings, and selling over 8 million albums and DVDs in the United States. According to sources close to the former Press Secretary, Mr. Spicer owns every record and bootleg recording as well as a large video collection of their live performances.

The White House refused to comment, however, one anonymous insider offered a possible motive behind Mr. Spicer’s strange announcement today.

“He’s been under a tremendous amount of pressure,” said Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “And I guess he just kind of collapsed into a mid-life crisis. Needless to say, President Trump is not happy about it. But I hope Sean finds what he’s looking for out there.”

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Darlene Smith
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Darlene Smith

I really like Sean Spicer and I thought he did a good job of press secretary.. I could never have took the pressure from the media, especially CNN. Enjoy your life Sean.

dennis byron
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dennis byron

The problem is, for me, a moral and ethical one. He knew he was not tellling the truth about a lot of things. I forgave that, but when he said that Hitler did not use chemical weapons (remember the Holocaust?) I realized he is a man of limited intelligence. So, my two cents. It’s like when Guliani said that during Bush’s presidency there were no attacks on American soil. Seems to have forgotten about one horrible one.

dcdave
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dcdave

is this supposed to be funny? it’s not it is very stupid though, fyi.

Dan Fabritius
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Dan Fabritius

Sean Spicer was after my humble Dutch opinion een fine Guy, even Trump admitted this.But for him its better to be freed from this idiotic AmericaN press.Journalism in the US and Europe is dead, and the left liberals are the owners of the souls of millions who lost completely common sense. May God be Mercifull, this world is dying.

disqus_82tSxMf7lO
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disqus_82tSxMf7lO

Both of your identities are sadly mistaken. I hope you never get sick and lose your job at the same time. Real working people are screwed and your boys don’t give a fk.

Bundang Bear
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Bundang Bear

een fine Turd. Take your Dutch turd boy and go Dutch! I used to think “go Dutch” meant “go nuts.”