St. Louis, MO — Cat food brands using GMO corn in their products have been linked to a new development in the Felis Catus species (house cat). Studies conducted at Purina’s Headquarters conducted long-term tests and research into the GMO cat food. The results, after almost a decade of feeding kittens the same food every day three times a day, were not only annoying when they scratched the couch, but showed a rising trend in the development of wings and a forked tongue.
This new species of Felis catus –Felis Draconus– is still docile, despite the occasional fire-breathing between purrs.
Local St. Louis Pastor, Richard Perez wrote in a public forum for anti-vaccination at length about the new Felis Draconus. We tried the best we could to transcribe the comment into a sound bite, “These scientists of scientism have gone too far! The next thing we know cloning will be legal and abortions will be all over the streets! This is the end times!”
Nickles, the first known Felis Draconus is living comfortably in a loving home elsewhere in St. Louis, MO. Nickles new owners, Lucy and Samuel Orson, say they love the little guy.
“He loves to roast rats before he eats them,” says Ms. Orson. “Oh and we still feed him the same food. My husband is hoping he evolves again into a bigger size so he can ride him to work and show Bill in HR that his new Lamborghini is child’s play compared to a dragon.”