Heaven — God the Almighty, the creator of Heaven and Earth and daytime television, revealed to a Topeka, KS man over the weekend that he was a Pink Floyd fan and has been since the 1960s. Dirk Donnington says the Lord appeared to him while he was on the toilet, checking his Facebook feed.
“I was just doing my business when–wham–God was there,” said Mr. Donnington, speaking of the Alpha and the Omega. “And it was nothing like they portray in the movies or the Bible. He looked a lot like the late George Carlin, and my eyes didn’t melt looking at him. You know, like the Nazis in the Indiana Jones movie?”
Mr. Donnington said he went on for over 15 minutes before getting to Pink Floyd.
“Oh, he talked about being nice and forgiving, and to love your neighbor. Stuff you’ve heard before.”
It then dawned on Dirk to record God.
“I asked him, ‘Hey God, can I record you?’ and he was like, ‘no one has ever asked me that. Sure, why not?'” That’s when the Lord started talking about his deep affection for Pink Floyd.
“When I started, I had no idea I could create something like Pink Floyd,” said God stretching into the air with both arms. “I knew I could make volcanoes and heavy rocks, but I never anticipated I could create a phenomenon as powerful as David Gilmour screaming in a large, long-dormant volcano, one that killed many people.”
To the surprise of Mr. Donnington, God admitted that his favorite album was 1977’s Animals, but like most Floyd fans, he couldn’t explain why. As for other popular rock bands, The Lord Almighty said he didn’t have an opinion beyond Pink Floyd. He did say that there was a Tibetan Monk chant from 1674 he occasionally enjoyed listening to, but that it drove the archangels “a little nutty.”
Other things God noted is that the Doors’ lead singer Jim Morrison is alive and well, living in a double-wide trailer in Slab City, California. He said not to disturb him.