Athens, Greece — The Athenian government announced at the close of business Monday night that they have enlisted a number of “Zimbabwe Financial Experts” to help inject desperately needed liquidity into the faltering economy. The Greek government, companies and lenders have all effectively lost access to international monetary markets due to the uncertainty over the country’s financial future.
Seeking to enact Zimbabwe-like methods used in the mid-2000s, Greece hopes to “print its way out of debt.” Citing the successes of The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe and President Robert Mugabe, Greece is aiming to head-off currency shortages with its “just say no to austerity measures.”
“We will run the money presses 24/7 until there is enough Euros for the Greek government and its people,” said Yanis Varoufakis, the current Greek Minister of Finance who seemed to have no idea how the European Central Bank works. “This will provide a model very similar to Zimbabwe’s miraculous cash infusion in 2008. Germany helped them out by supplying the printing paper, and we believe they will help out Greece as well.”
Over the course of the five-year span in Zimbabwe, the inflation rate fluctuated greatly. At one point, the US Ambassador to Zimbabwe predicted that it would reach 1.5 million percent. In June 2008 the annual rate of price growth was 11.2 million percent. The worst of the inflation occurred in 2008, leading to the abandonment of the currency. The peak month of hyperinflation occurred in mid-November 2008 with a rate estimated at 79,600,000,000% per month. US $1 was equivalent to $12,621,984,228 in October 2008.
“Of course Greece is clutching at straws,” said Mario Draghi, head of the European Central Bank. “They can’t print their own money as long as they are apart of the Eurozone, which might not be for long if they can not figure out how to pay off their bonds.