Madrid, Spain — His royal majesty, God’s sole defender of the true Catholic church King Philip III, dismissed criticisms this week that Guido (Guy) Fawkes’s attempt to blow up the British Parliament was nothing more than a “lone wolf” attack.

“‘Tis but a rotten apple, in a barrel of virtuous fruit. A lone wolf,” said Spain’s King Philip III via an interpreter. “The Coronet hath nay involvement in Britain’s uprisings and wishes to distance itself from her int’rnal affairs.”

Earlier in the year, King Philip issued a proclamation forbidding any Spanish government agent, official or otherwise, from meddling in the “non-papists and heretics’ internal affairs.”

This week, in what British authorities call an act of terrorism, Catholic Guy Fawkes failed to detonate gun powder barrels underneath the Parliament building, which would have surely killed hundreds of high-ranking government officials, including King James. Fawkes, and his co-conspirators John and Christopher Wright, Robert and Thomas Wintour, and Thomas Percy.



All of which have denied any plot to overthrow the government, with Fawkes calling the accusations a conspiracy of “deep state non-papists” as he was dragged from the Parliament building.

According to a spokesman for King James, Mr. Fawkes and his accomplices will be subjected to his majesty’s “Privy chamber” for further interrogations. However, sources close to the investigation claim that the terrorist has admitted to “blow you, Scotch beggars, back to your native mountains,” which doesn’t bode well for his claims of innocence.