High School Students Vote to Legalize Weed

Two Snapchat pictures obtained by Gish Gallop that depict what is being dubbed as the epic Swann "smoke-out"
Two Snapchat pictures obtained by Gish Gallop that depict what is being dubbed as the epic Swann “smoke-out”

Grass Valley, CA — A coalition of students from the Joint Nevada Union School District have passed an informal straw vote to legalize weed in all schools, school functions and at the Brunswick Basin Taco Bell. The vote was conducted in 17-year-old Finn Swann’s Shannon Way bedroom on Friday night during a “rager.”

“Yeah, we’re like chilling with Skrillex,” said a slow-spoken Finn in a Gish Gallop Telephone interview, “and like, you know Johnny was like, ‘dude, let’s vote on weed.’ So we did. And it was like, everyone said yes.”

Sources close to the vote say that Finn’s parents were on a much-needed getaway to Half Moon Bay and that they told him he could have his friends Joey and Stevie over while they were gone for the weekend. Apparently the young Finn interpreted this as permission to have a “rager” with an unspecified amount of underage teenagers.

“Man, like, we only had a few over. What’s the big deal,” questioned a somewhat defiant Finn. “Plus it gave us enough weed votes to make it real. You know? Yeah, Stevie F. barfed on my parent’s bed, and Mr. Deasy’s entire class fell through the patio roof, but that’s not my fault.”

Nevada Union English Teacher Garrett Deasy doesn't want any riff-raff.
Nevada Union English Teacher Garrett Deasy doesn’t want any riff-raff.

Miraculously, no one was hurt crashing through the patio roof. According to witnesses, Joey gathered the entire class to shout  “Deasy is a dick” while syncro-bouncing to Skrillex-penned Kill Everybody. After only 2 minutes, the entire roof collapsed onto the Swann’s recently purchased Ikea patio furniture.

“These kids will amount to nothing,” said Garrett Deasy in an exclusive telephone interview. “Slackers and vagrants, all of them. They have no respect for anyone or anything.”

As for the weed vote the “420 knights,” as they are calling themselves, plan on taking the vote outside the ram-shackled Swann home and into the halls of Nevada Union High School.

“Like, this is going to work,” continued a disheveled Finn. “This is Grass Valley, you know? And I’m sure we have the votes to get this passed. And don’t listen to Deasy. He’s a dick.”

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