ISIS Invades and Attacks Area Man’s Brain

Jason Dant of Penn Valley and his fight with ISIS terrorists in his brain.
Jason Dant of Penn Valley and his fight with ISIS terrorists in his brain.

Penn Valley, CA — Area gun collector, Donald Trump supporter and 2nd Amendment activist Jason Dant announced on his Facebook  wall that ISIS terrorists have invaded and now are occupying his brain. Mr. Dant, 32, informed his social network “friends” that he intends to enter into “battle” with these forces until liberty and the American Christian way has prevailed.

“My suspicion is they came up Highway 20 from the Yuba City/Marysville area where a lot of Arab refugees are being harbored,” said a frantic Mr. Dant in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “They snuck up here to Penn Valley and invaded my brain. If you could see the battles I’m having with them right now, you’d know why I’ve fought so hard for the 2nd Amendment.”

The recent terror attacks in Europe have given many local conservatives the anti-Jihadist shot in the arm they’ve been looking for. Many have taken to Social Media to warn brethren of not only a pending invasion and takeover of the United States by radical Islamic terrorist cells, but also of a coordinated “Liberal Conspiracy to surrender to Islam,” said one Facebook poster.

“They’re after our minds and thoughts,” continued an increasingly agitated Mr. Dant. “There’s 15 of them right now in my brain performing their Friday prayers or something. I have to go and take care of this issue right now. Wish me luck.”

Other Facebook commenters seem to have less of a break with reality than Mr. Dant.

“Obama is going to do everything he can to make America Muslim,” said  Sübeur Barbarianson of Grass Valley. “I have been trying to tell Americans that for years. Liberals have been burying their heads in the sand because they need intelligence to look at anything realistically. Islam is a threat to the existence of the United States because their religion teaches them that they MUST rule. I don’t understand why people can’t see the dangers of Islam to the country, their homes, themselves and their families.”

As for Mr. Dant, he says he’ll be busy for the unforeseeable future.

“This is a battle for civilization,” continued Mr. Dant. “The only way we will have Peace is through continual war against these bastards who want to kill or convert us into their way of living. Well, I’m not going to allow this to happen. The buck stops here with me. Literally, in me.”

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