ISIS Outraged Over SCOTUS Ruling on Gay Marriage/Endorses Huckabee

ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi delivering a sermon about loading fighter's beards with shit.
ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi delivering a sermon about loading fighter’s beards with shit.

Mosul, Iraq — The leader for the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIS), Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, said Friday in a statement that he would not “acquiesce to an imperial court” and its decision to make gay marriage legal in all 50 U.S. states.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s comments, given exclusively to Gish Gallop via Skype, came after the Supreme Court’s decision on gay marriage in Obergefell v. Hodges.

“The Supreme Court has spoken with a very divided voice on something only the Supreme Being can do-redefine marriage,” al-Baghdadi said in the statement. “We will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than their Founders acquiesced to an imperial British monarch. We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.”

al-Baghdadi called the ruling “dangerous and, perhaps, unconstitutional,” adding that he is “somewhat vague on the American political system and its dynamics.”

“This S-C-O-T-U-S (sic) ruling is not about marriage equality, it’s about marriage redefinition,” al-Baghdadi said. Taking a break to bitch-slap one of his 14 wives, he continues, “this irrational, unconstitutional rejection of the expressed will of the people in over 30 states will prove to be one of the United State’s most disastrous decisions, and they have had many. The only outcome worse than this flawed, failed decision would be for the U.S President and Congress, two co-equal branches of government, to surrender in the face of this out-of-control act of unconstitutional, judicial tyranny. Tyranny of religion is a different story,” he told Gish Gallop with a grin.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi also questioned the authority of the U.S. Supreme Court.

“The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity,” he said. “Under the U.S. Constitution, the court cannot write a law, even though some cowardly politicians will wave the ISIS flag and reject the court’s ruling without realizing that they are fulfilling their sworn duty. If accepted by Congress and this President, this decision will be a serious blow to religious liberty, which is the heart of the ISIS campaign in Syria and Iraq.”

Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee's book on how he feeds his family.
Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee’s book on how he feeds his family.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi also stated that he is ecstatic that GOP Presidential hopeful, Mike Huckabee (R), has accepted the ISIS offer of endorsement.

“ISIS is starting to look more and more like the America I have always envisioned,” argues Huckabee, “we have gotten too far from our roots. When the law protects those I hate, we no longer have equality under the law. I have to find a safe haven. I am being persecuted here, because look, that’s why I am running for President.”

Huckabee will be touring ISIS controlled areas during his “Religious Liberty Townhall Tour” public speaking campaign and fundraiser in July.

Mike Huckabee (R) will be speaking at The Grass Valley Veterans Hall in Grass Valley, CA on July 4th to celebrate his love of freedom with Nevada County.

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Personal Protection

I don’t blame ISIS and Islam for being mad. They are the only ones confronting and handling LGBTQ in the proper manner. Just gives them one more reason to want America destroyed. Thanks Gays.

Webmaster Tim
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Thanks.

Delaney Faris
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Let’s hope they don’t behead him before the election.

Michael Tesh
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Michael Tesh

I hope for a lot of things. A Huckabee with a head is not something I could even dream of.