Northern Iraq — A faction of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria or ISIS said that it will be asking for its money back after their lease of 14 “Porta Potties” from Justin’s Toilet Rentals of Grass Valley, CA were flung around following an allied helicopter fly over. Coalition forces flew a Merlin helicopter and destroyed nearly all the combatants’ latrines.
“This is an outrage,” said press minister Abu Hasayn Al Britani through an interpreter. “We were told but Justin himself that these toilets were top-of-the-line. But as the world has seen now, they were, how do you say, easy targets for the American [untranslatable noun having to do with a dog’s rear end] who simply had to fly over and scatter them everywhere.”
According to British helicopter captain Oliver James, it was one of his easiest missions.
“We received the orders as 0900 to take out an encampment in [redacted],” said Captain James via Skype. “When we arrived at the target, the enemy was in this easy-to-spot, blue portable toilets. So just flew in low and blew them everywhere. It was hard to tell the toilet paper from the terrorists.”
It is unclear at the time of this writing if coalition forces will use this gunless tactic in the future.