Jared Fogle Released From Prison


Jacksonville, FL — Former Subway spokesman, Jared Fogle, has been released from prison due to what authorities say was overcrowding. But the Gish Gallop has reason to believe otherwise. A confidential informant has spoken with Gish Gallop about the true cause of Fogle’s release.

“Ever since he has been incarcerated he has been a target. His anus has become the size of a tennis ball,”  the C.I. claimed. “He had to wear diapers 24/7, he could not control his bowels”.

Most are saying Fogle was getting what he deserved, like Millie Samson.

“That bastard should have been butt diddled every day” said Millie. “Molesting kids is terrible, I hope he will remember those kids every time he can’t feel himself fart!”

Fogle served just 3% of his sentence, we will see if he is sent back.

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.