Jerry Springer to Host GOP Debate

Jerry Springer GOPStamford, CT —  In a move pundits are calling the next logical step, talk show host and man who paid a hooker with a personal check Jerry Springer is slated to referee the upcoming Republican debate.

“This is truly an honor,” said Springer, “I think this makes a lot of sense. The overlap between people who watch my show and these debates is … well, ‘yuge.'”

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump welcomed the change in format.

“Everybody loves me. I get on a stage and I win. I’m a winner. Jerry’s a winner. People love him. We’re gonna be great.”

Rival candidates Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio were less enthusiastic about the change.

“This is ridiculous, Trump can’t just insult his way to the top. He’s too stupid,” said Rubio heatedly.

Cruz offered a more measured snear, saying, “I don’t care where we have the debate, I remain committed to the American people, and I look forward to reassuring the public that my dick is also of reasonable length and girth.”

While no one would go on record regarding the change in tone that might accompany a Springer-led debate, one insider, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said to expect some fireworks.

“I can’t say too much, but there’s going to be a paternity test involved. And probably a fight. I think I speak for most of America when I say I can’t wait.”

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When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.