Lack of Harmony Hurting GOP’s Three Tenors

The three tenors were all over the place. Singing from three different books
The three tenors were all over the place. Singing from three different books.

America — An eminent PhD has concluded that the Republican party lacks proper harmony and has horrific timing.

“If you look at the performance on Thursday of the Republican quintet, so many things went wrong,” explains Martin Webb, PhD. “The three tenors took up most of the main harmonies, but they had no timing whatsoever. They seemed to each stomp to different beats.”

Mr. Webb has studied rhythm and taught harmony for over 47 years after getting his masters at BYU and completing his doctorate at Juilliard.

“The quintet had a superb baritone, which they barely used. His timbre, given more presence in the performance, would have significantly improved the overall show. Without his voice, the performance lacked the depth needed to be tolerable.”

Webb is referring to the baritone from Ohio, Gov. John Kasich. The Governor’s voice was largely left out of the piece, making the performance sound “very thin and reedy.”

“The three tenors were all over the place. Singing from three different books, as it were. Kasich’s baritone, if given more presence, would have marched a proper tempo for the three inept tenors.”

I felt the soprano got even less time. Is that a valid observation?

“Well, the soprano plays an important role. He must augment the overall harmony at crucial moments, but his main object is to simply sing his melody and then stop. Dr. Ben Carson was the only performer that really pulled his part off flawlessly, castrated or not.”

Webb is an ethnomusicologist who knows about merging diverse styles into a clean, harmonically-pleasing piece and says that the best the GOP could present to the world really failed on all fronts.

“There was basically no harmony. The five best performers the GOP had to offer came forward to show us what they could do, and it was a bitter disappointment. My 5th graders do better every Tuesday and Thursday.”

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