Lawn Darts Back In Vogue

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CPSC Commission Chair Abronsky Ditweiller
CPSC Commission Chair Abronsky Ditweiller

Are Lawn Darts, the new black?

Washington D.C. — The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced today, just in time for the 2014 Christmas shopping season, the reinstatement of Lawn Dart technology as an acceptable toy, as long as no one gets hurt. Commission Chair Abronsky Ditweiller, pulling a rabbit out of his hat, met with Gish Gallop reporters this afternoon to explain the findings.

New Lawn Dart headquarters, Chongqing, China
New Lawn Dart headquarters, Chongqing, China

“Look, they’re just darts, right? And kids like to throw dangerous crap all over the yard. Right? So the whole problem seems to be that kids were on the receiving end of the darts. Not a good idea, obviously. I mean really, who wants to catch a descending arrow of stainless steel death if they don’t have to?”

Factories in China are furiously retooling to meet the projected command. Please refer to Gish Gallop often for further updates.

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Highway69Jim HemigLou LaPlante Recent comment authors
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Highway69
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Highway69

Wow! This takes me down memory lane…

Great fun!! For added excitement, we used to play blindfolded – taking the blindfolds off only to write down our scores, or when we heard the screams of the opposing player.

Jim Hemig
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Jim Hemig

I first need a lawn.

Lou LaPlante
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Lou LaPlante

We have a lawn at Gish Gallop headquarters in Penn Valley. It’s tiny, which might make things a bit dangerous, but hey…that’s what makes it Lawn Darts right? Let’s see if we can’t get something scheduled for mid-December. Our Lawn Dart dual could be a charity event for Utah’s Place. Sound good?

Jim Hemig
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Jim Hemig

I accept your duel challenge at lawn darts! Name the day and time! Hamilton will be my second.

Jim Hemig
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Jim Hemig

This will go down in history as the best duel in Nevada County history. More prominent than the duel challenges between John Rollin Ridge and Henry M. Blumenthal 150 years ago at the founding of The Union!