Nevada County, CA — After a recent and successful launch of the Nevada County chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union or ACLU, the organization announced on Wednesday that it plans to “rigorously defend” the right of various hate and terrorist groups to burn down its new proposed office headquarters.
“It’s like Voltaire said: ‘I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,'” said local ACLU representative Fernwood Z. Frischland in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “While I personally disagree with the idea of a hate group destroying our building, the principle of freedom of expression must be supported in all cases. I mean, what could be more symbolic of our liberty than to let another group burn down a symbol of liberty?”
According to sources close to the local ACLU chapter, the group has been receiving several threats from various hate and presumed terrorist groups after there have been reports of terrorist camps nearby.
“Yeah, we don’t like that California crap,” said Dallas native Vick R. Hooks, III who appeared to be drunk. “ISIS camps are all over the place. And these ACLU types will defend them in court. So if they are really serious about what they think is liberty, then we’re just gonna have to show them what real liberty is like.”
Mr. Frischland went on to say that there have been threats from various Islamist groups who feel the county has been mocking them and their practices.
“Ever since we announced support for that Anjem Choudary character who’s coming to Nevada City to speak,” continued Mr. Frischland, “we’ve also been getting threats from Islamists and this these Right-wing-wacko-types. The Muslims think we’re making fun of him, and the wackos are all bent out of shape because we support his right to speak. When you’re right, you get it from all angles, you know what I mean?”
Perhaps the most ironic element in this somewhat disturbing story is that the ACLU headquarters hasn’t even been built yet, nor are there any plans for building one in the near future. This has led some to wonder what these hate groups have in mind.
“Well since there isn’t an actual ACLU building to attack,” wondered local engineer Craig Thomas out in front of Sutton Safeway, “what are they going to do? I dunno. Maybe hang out down by the South Fork [of the Yuba River]? I mean, some of those terrorist-Muslim-types would fit right in.”
Gish Gallop reached out to Imam Choudary for comment about these developments, and he supplied this written response from his Birmingham home in the United Kingdom.
“Westerners need to accept the fact that Islam will dominate all the lands it touches. The holy Quran teaches us that where we put our feet we shall rule that land. It’s that simple. You will have no choice, Sharia law is coming to place near you.”
Gish Gallop asked the Imam to expand on the statement, as it was the same one he issued last week to Gish Gallop, but he has not responded to our requests.