Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, OR — In a decision consistent with past wars and conflicts, local conservatives have overwhelmingly voted to send other people’s kids to fight, and presumably die, at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon to preserve what they call “the sanctity of the Constitution.”
A small group of armed men occupied the headquarters of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Burns, Oregon over the weekend. The day started off with a protest. Militia members marched in support of Dwight Hammond Jr. and his son, Steven Hammond, two ranchers who were convicted of setting federal lands on fire.
“We all support the efforts of Dwight Hammond Jr. and his son, Steven Hammond, to resist the forces of community, tyranny and good sense in Oregon,” announced retired colonel Jack Ripper on his local blog “Anyone Butt Obama.” “There are no young men and women better qualified to take up their 2nd Amendment Rights against the Bureau of Land Management than other people’s children. I think we should send Democrat kids first,” Col. Ripper wrote. “They can go in first and take the heavy fire. They don’t know how to shoot a gun anyway. Then the real young men can come in behind in their Dodge Trucks and wipe out the Feds.”
Among the occupiers is Ammon Bundy, son of Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, and two of his brothers. Militia members at the refuge claimed they had as many as 100 supporters with them. The refuge, federal property managed by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, was closed and unoccupied for the holiday weekend, which pissed off people looking for a post holiday fishing trip, according to Gish Gallop sources in Bend, Oregon.
“What a bunch of assholes,” said Craig Wilthelm of Bend, Oregon. “We had planned a hunting and fishing trip and then these self-centered dickheads screwed up my whole trip.”
Last year, the Cliven Bundy standoff was the result of a 20-year legal dispute between the United States Bureau of Land Management (BLM) and cattle rancher Cliven Bundy in southeastern Nevada over unpaid grazing fees that developed into an armed confrontation between armed and ridiculously under-educated protesters and law enforcement earlier this year. Mr. Bundy maintains his ancestors properly stole the land fair and square from the Moapa Paiute people back in 1848. As a protest measure to try to get more media attention, Mr. Bundy has not paid his grazing fees since 1993. He hoped some of the McVeigh types might jump in for whatever his cause is. He also created a rambling and racist Facebook account.