Local Entrepreneur Connects Militants with Snacks

Man jumping for joy
William Buxley asked, “who likes Chex-Mix?”

Grass Valley, CA — Local aspiring tech entrepreneur and part-time gun show volunteer William Buxley has been looking for an opportunity to disrupt industry through technology. When armed militants took over a federal building at Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon and then requested that supporters send snacks, Buxley saw an opportunity.

“I want to be Amazon for armed patriots occupying federal property,” Buxley said, “only better.”

Buxley lead Gish Gallop through a PowerPoint presentation he developed to help pitch his new business idea to venture capitalists.

“The first seventy-eight slides are awe-inspiring images I use to hook the audience,” Buxley explained as he clicked through the introduction portion of his presentation, “mostly killer whales and mountain vistas.”

For the next portion of the pitch Buxley plans to lead potential investors through a visualization activity. 

“Close your eyes and imagine you are a busy militant patriot on the go,” he read aloud from a stack of blue note cards, “you have a busy day of errands: grocery shopping, pick-up the kids, inspect your secret wilderness caches of supplies that will protect you in a doomsday scenario.”

“But suddenly,” Buxley waved his arms, “it’s time take your stand against the anti-freedom forces that have ruined this country. You must takeover an abandoned federal building in the desert. What items do you bring?”

“Then I will record all the group suggestions on a big white piece of paper,” Buxley continued, “they will say the obvious things like two M&P 45 pistols, a Colt AR-15 rifle, a Ruger Mini-14, I’ll let them go on for a while.”

“Then I ask a simple question,” Buxley asked, “who likes Chex-Mix?”

“They will realize they just listed dozens of specific types of firearms” Buxley explained, “but forgot the little odds and ends. We’ve all been there.”

Buxley plans to create an app that allows militants to order the small items they may have overlooked. To enable quick delivery to remote locations, Buxley plans on using specially designed drones.

“A normal drone would get shot to pieces,” Buxley said, “that’s why I’m creating a fleet of drones that look like Bald Eagles.”

Buxley concluded his pitch with a promise to never pay taxes. He predicts this pledge will build trust with the militant community and resonate with successful venture capitalists.

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