Wichita, KS — Area guitar player Seth Meyers has agreed with his band’s downsizing plan and accepted a demotion to a bass player. As a founding member of Youth of America, a self-styled Rage Against the Machine for Libertarians, Mr. Meyers saw it as his duty to take up the bass after the band had to let their original player go due to budget constraints.
“Well, if Eddie Van Halen can do it, I can,” said an unusually confident Mr. Meyers. “Can’t be any worse than Michael Anthony.”
Youth of America hasn’t had a gig yet, but they’ve been practicing for over three years in Brad’s basement.
“We’re on the verge of breaking out,” continued Brad. “There’s a lot of opportunity for a band like ours. Conservatives and Libertarians, for the first time in history, are being listened to. You know, being taken seriously.”
Along with losing their bass player, whom the band claims was too much of a “socialist libtard,” the band is also looking for a new vocalist because “Seth can’t play bass and sing at the same time.”
“We are looking for some conservative vocalist,” said drummer Brad Brady. “As long as he, or she I suppose, has the same mindset as us as much as we do, then we’re good. He doesn’t have to be a Christian, but better if they are.”
According to Seth, they have already auditioned several vocalists, but found that they’re not a good fit because “they don’t get that we’re Libertarians, not communists.”
“Most creative people are socialist losers, you know? They want everything for free. We’re looking for people who want to work and make big sacrifices for the cause. Like I have. But I’m not complaining. I’ll pull myself up by my bootstraps and be the guitar player one day.”