Local Middle School to add 6 More “No Smoking” Signs

The of the 14 signs at Seven Hills Middle School that greet visitors, parents and assholes who think it's OK to smoke at school.

The of the 14 signs at an area Middle School that greet visitors, parents and assholes who think it’s OK to smoke at school.

Nevada City, CA — Area middle school administrators announced on Monday that they would be adding an additional 6 “No Smoking” signs on the campus to accompany the 8 that currently are being displayed on the campus.

According to sources close to the city school district, the administration felt that the current 8 signs didn’t convey enough of the anti-smoking “umph” needed to convince adults and children that smoking tobacco products is the most dumbass thing one can do his/her body.

Although tobacco use is dramatically down over the past decades due in large part to aggressive government anti-smoking campaigns, its use is still responsible for nearly 1 in 5 deaths in the United States according to the American Cancer Society. And because cigarette smoking and tobacco use are acquired behaviors – activities that people choose to do smoking is the most preventable cause of death in our society. School placards are one tool in the anti-smoking arsenal which can instill its dangers in children, and also inform adult imbeciles that smoking on a school campuses grants them an IQ in line with box of rocks.

This announcement was not without its detractors.

“We all know that smoking is bad for us,” said local activist Brock Whalen of Bring Back Glenn Beck to Nevada County. “But this raises an important conversation we must have about the insidious role of our socialist government, and the way it’s limiting our personal liberties which are  guaranteed in the United States Constitution. Do we really want the government indoctrinating our children? Isn’t this something parents should be in control of?”

Gish Gallop spoke with others who had a more moderate opinions on the situation.

“What kind of moron would smoke and drink at a school,” questioned local activist Aïsha Hail. “However I think 2 or three signs would be sufficient.”

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