Penn Valley, CA –– The 92-year-old Nevada County Gish Gallop announced late Sunday night that it plans on outsourcing printing operations to Barstow, CA in a cost-cutting effort to increase operating margins.
“This is a tough era for the Newspaper business,” said Gish Gallop President Louis “Lou” LaPlante. “If someone, as blessed as I am, is not willing to clean out the barn, who will? So we’ve made the decision to move printing operations to the happy little hamlet of Barstow, CA.”
Settled in 1840, Barstow, CA is a major transportation center for the Inland Empire. Several major highways including Interstate 15, Interstate 40, and California State Route 58 converge in the city. Given its long distance from major cities and urban centers has created economic problems, and Barstow is seeking projects to boost the economy. There are three casinos planned for the area, and Gish Gallop printing outsourcing might be a shot-in-the-arm the local economy needs.
“I like cars. I like to travel. I like the idea of people breaking down and I’m the only one who can help them get on the road again,” said Wesley Tate in a somewhat confusing non-sequitur outside his Barstow home. “It would be like being a magician. Just open up the hood and cast your magic spell. That’s how it’s done around here. Magic.”
Due to this cost-saving measure, the price of a printed version of Gish Gallop will rise by $.28 to an inconvenient $1.33 per issue and an equally maddening $2.17 on Sundays. Exact change only.