Grass Valley, CA — The Nevada County Sheriff and EMT’s were summoned this afternoon to a south Nevada County home. 911 operators received a report of a domestic disturbance from the frantically distressed homeowners.
“What we have here, is a failure to communicate,” stated Sheriff Royal in his typical Barney Fife tone to a smattering of reporters and neighbors at the scene. “This property is in the early stages of negotiation of a real estate sale. There was an agreement for the parties in the negotiation to meet at the property this afternoon to inspect and discuss any of various items involved in the deal.”
Sheriff Royal took a moment to confer with another deputy in a hushed manner. There appeared to be some smirking and chuckles coming from their huddle.
“Upon arrival at the scene, the homeowners directed us to the two combatants, battered and bleeding on the dining room floor. The pair were subsequently identified as Debbie Krankman of Grass Roots Realty, and Jon Fenwick of ReMax Realty,” continued the Sheriff. “At first, we thought it was two male subjects involved in the fracas. After investigation, we realized that what we initially thought was a bald man, was indeed a hefty woman with her wig pulled off. EMT’s were then allowed in to triage the suspects.”
At this point, a profanity laced tirade interrupted the sheriff as the combatants were wheeled past on ambulance gurneys. “You are a [expletive deleted] liar, a cheat, and a thief,” Mr. Fenwick called out to his nemesis. “And you smell like a dirty Tijuana [expletive deleted]! Take a damn bath once in a while!”
“Yeah, well you are a [expletive deleted],” Krankman shouted back to Fenwick. “I kicked you in the [expletive deleted] three times and you didn’t even flinch, Nancy boy. You must be the Duchess of Fenwick. I bet you sit down to pee!”
“The suspects will be transported to Miner’s Hospital for treatment of their injuries and then booked into the Nevada County Jail on various charges,” Sheriff Royal continued with a smug grin. “This isn’t our first run in with these two characters. This happens a lot with these realtor types. Especially when the county puts a ban on their medicine. We’re gonna be pretty busy this summer.”