North San Juan, CA — North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that St. George, Utah is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls “the St. George anomaly” for the past three years.
“There’s this thing I learned on the Internet called the Bielefeld effect,” said a mood-elevated Mr. Wolford in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “It’s where there’s this illusion that someplace actually exists. People talk about it. They even claim to know people there. But it’s all fake. They’re either part of the conspiracy to keep the hoax alive, or they’re delusional. What’s even more interesting is that this effect has become more pronounced after Hillary Clinton has made a so-called ‘campaign stop’ in the fictitious college town in 2016. Interesting. Think about how far this conspiracy goes up the chain of command.”
The Bielefeld effect, also known as the Bielefeld conspiracy, spread in 1994 on the German Usenet, which claimed that the city of Bielefeld does not exist, but is an illusion propagated by various Illuminati forces. Originally an internet phenomenon, the effect has since spread to other hoax cities like St. George, Utah. To this day, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, refers to Bielefeld in her speeches, even though the city doesn’t exist.
St. George is supposedly located in the southwest corner of the State and has been called Utah’s “arts and culture” capital since the conspiracy was started over 117 years ago by settlers from Provo. However, after three attempts to contact the local government by Gish Gallop with no success, Mr. Wolford’s observations seem less batshit crazy.
“Look,” continued Mr. Wolford, “It’s really simple to prove that St. George doesn’t exist. All you have to do is answer these three questions. Number one. Do you know anyone from St. George? Two. Have you ever been to St. George, Utah? And lastly, number three. Do you know anybody who has ever been to St. George? And don’t say, Hillary Clinton.”
Gish Gallop reached out to the local community and asked them Mr. Wolford’s three questions.
“St. George is not a real town! Google it, and you will find out for yourself! I lived in Salt Lake City and drove to where St. George was supposed to be,” said Christopher J. Rushin, who currently lives in Grass Valley, “I’ve been ‘there,’ there’s nothing there but trees and houses and people and shit. No signs of civilization whatsoever. And even if there were such a place, Hillary Clinton would never go there. You’re kidding me, right?”
Others were more philosophical about the hoax, maintaining that they might have only dreamed about the city.
“I’ve been to St. George, and now that I think about it, it probably doesn’t exist,” commented Justin Anderson of Penn Valley, CA. “The place did seem too perfect, like a dream or something.”
Still, others were a part of the conspiracy calling people who believe such things “stupid idiots.”
“I’m a truck driver. I live in Cedar City, and I get many shipments into and out of St. George,” said a Utah truck driver Don “Dredge” Smith, a fact that bolsters his status as a Mossad/CIA operative. “My wife grew up in the St. George/Washington area. So for you to even state St. George doesn’t exist as a town or city whatever y’all want to call it, makes me believe you are an idiot. Or a troll. Or a Bernie Sanders supporter.”
As for Mr. Wolford, he gave Gish Gallop an old, “I told you so.”
“Nice try,” continued Mr. Wolford. “You thought I was making this up, didn’t ya? Well, now you know what I know. As soon as you run into someone who was a Mossad operative, they immediately start calling you an idiot for calling out the St. George hoax. But you get used to it after a while. Your skin gets tough with this thing I like to call ‘The Truth.'”