Man Shoves Pencil In Eyeball

Mark Nostrom of Columbus, Ohio jammed a pencil in his eye in Fargo, North Dakota.
Mark Nostrom of Columbus, Ohio jammed a pencil in his eye in Fargo, North Dakota.

Fargo, ND — Verbal accents are different all over our country. From the Southern twang to North Dakota’s “Canadian affect.” Some find the different accents to be annoying. Many dislike the Northern accent, they say it grinds nerves.

Mark Nostrom of Columbus, Ohio was visiting Fargo on a business trip for his company Flexiglass. Upon meeting with the board of advisors for a supply company, Mark developed a twitch in his eye, a severe headache followed. His head ached with every word spoken by the native Fargo people.

Mary Simmons, marketing director of Flexiglass described to Gish Gallop what happened next.

“Mark just screamed and started cussing about our accents, it was terrifying,” said Mary. “He was hitting himself in the head and he just grabbed a pencil and shoved it in his eye. I’ve never seen anything like it. It must be an Ohio thing.”

After speaking to Mary, we checked in with the hospital. Nurse Kim Chi answered the phone.

“It really isn’t uncommon”, said a bored Kim. “This happens about three or four times a month.”

Mark is in stable condition but has his hands strapped down to avoid further incident.

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.