Grass Valley, CA — A man apparently talking to himself in the local Grass Valley, CA grocery store Grocery Outlet is not insane, but rather simply talking on his hands-free mobile phone ear piece.
According to eyewitness, James Page was seen wandering around the store at approximately 3pm Friday afternoon having a rather heated conversation with himself.
“I was walking down the ‘mayonnaise and Spam aisle’ as my husband likes to call it,” said a somewhat confused Beth Feingold of Grass Valley, “when this guy in a hurry darts around the corner waving his hands and yelling up a storm. I know Grocery Outlet can be a little like that bar scene in Star Wars, but this was like, I dunno, this guy needed help.”
Although not as prominent as they once were, hands-free Bluetooth headsets still can confuse people leading them to believe that complete strangers are having conversations with imaginary people. The use of such devices has declined largely due to fears of brain cancer and the fact that one looks like a douche bag wearing a blue LED thingie on one’s ear. This has largely been replaced by speaker phones with people simply shouting at their mobile devices in public.
“Yeah, that’s always how it is at Grocery Outlet,” said cashier Scott A. “We all saw him come in arguing with what we thought was himself. He grabbed a basket and rushed through the produce section, throwing some squashes and organic pears into it. Then he just ran across the store towards the liquor. That’s when I called Bob [Grocery Outlet General Manager Robert Forester] ’cause I thought he was gonna start drinking that Mint and Wasabi-flavored Stoli Vodka we just got in.”
According to sources, the store manager confronted Mr. Page, and upon realizing that he was talking on the phone, allowed him to continue shopping.
“What do you want me to do,” questioned a defiant Mr. Page said in a Gish Gallop phone interview. “I suppose I need to pay more attention in the future, but I got work to do.”