New Berlin, WI — Following an official Presidential event in Wisconsin, first lady Melania Trump had a surprise appearance at a New Berlin’s Chuck and Cheesely’s Pub, a watering hole in the nearby Milwaukee suburb of New Berlin. The Saturday night capacity crowd of over 150 were both shocked and surprised to see the stunning FLOTUS enter their normally raggy bar.
“You betcha we were really excited,” said 4th generation New Berlin resident Karl Olson who was quite intoxicated by the time of this interview. “We had heard Trump was in Milwaulkee, but I couldn’t make the rally even though my union said they’d pay my overtime. So I’m ‘sittin at the bar my buddy Harry, and he says, ‘come here real quick,’ even though I’m right next to him. Not real smart that Harry, ya know? Anyway, he points at the door, and for cripes sakes, the First Lady had walked in.”
As the first lady walked into Chuck and Cheesely’s with her entourage of Secret Service personal, several people from her staff, and approximately a dozen area police officers, she looked down as her shoes began sticking to the floor. After making a few hasty adjustments to her gait, she ordered a Diet Coke from the bar and asked where the karaoke machine was.
Chuck and Cheesely’s bartender Jessica Hound pointed to the empty back of the room.
“Uff –da, whatever,” said an annoyed Ms. Hound. “I guess I’m glad that she showed up, but I’m no MAGA head. Trump’s done nothing for me.”
Karaoke ala Melania Trump
As Ms. Trump’s team made their way to the back of the establishment, area welder Gary Heins had just finished up a rendition of Bruce Springsteen’s Glory Days, as the first lady approached. He awkwardly handed over the wireless microphone to her.
“Yeah sure, that was quite something. I handed the mic to her; all these guys in black sunglasses started patting me down. But Melania was quite sweet to me. She smiled and said, thank you.”
As Ms. Trump took the stage, cheers erupted from the crowd, many of whom captured the event on their mobile phones.
“I want to thank you for having me to your bar today,” said the first lady. “You know, back in Slovenia as a little girl, I admired Madonna. She was my favorite. I memorized all of her songs and used to sing them when my mother wasn’t around.”
The Material Girl
At which point, she nodded at one of her aids who queued up Madonna’s iconic and sardonic pop hit Material Girl, from her international smash album Like a Virgin. As the song started to play, the crowd cheered, and Ms. Trump spoke briefly about how it influenced her.
“This song is why I wanted to come to America. To be everything I wanted to be. In America, you can do that, and President Trump is doing that for you as he did for me.”
Then, Ms. Trump began to sing the song in somewhat broken English, although many commented on how well she did, not knowing that the first lady had such a lovely singing voice.
“Wow-wee, I didn’t know she could sing like that,” said bar patron Emma Herrman, 46, who was visiting New Berlin with her sister. “She sang three more songs that just made everyone so happy. She’s one of us.”
According to Ms. Trump’s press secretary, who was also in attendance, she also sang Madonna’s Like a Virgin, and an awkward version of Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven, which received mixed reviews from the audience who claimed she sang “And there’s a Wino down the road,” apparently botching the lyrics. For her last number, she sang David Bowie’s 1970s masterpiece Heroes, which brought the drunk Wisconsin crowd to their feet.