Mexico Warns Citizens Against Drinking American Tap Water

Tap water in Mexico City water (Left), Flint, Michigan (Right)
Tap water in Mexico City water (Left), Corpus Christi, TX (Right)

The Mexican government issued a statement this morning to its citizens traveling abroad in the United States, warning them to avoid drinking tap water.

“No la tomes. Parece a mierda y te va a matar,” was the official announcement, roughly translating to, “Please do not drink the tap water in the United States. There has been some contamination due to leaking lead, and unknown damage from chemicals leaked during the hydraulic fracturing process used to extract natural gas from the ground.”

For now Mexican authorities are advising Mexican nationals to stick to bottled water, and to be careful drinking mixed drinks, as sometimes tainted water is used to make ice.

A representative for the State Department expanded on the statement earlier today, saying, “Please do not drink tap water because you see locals doing it. They have grown accustomed to the contaminants in it. You will get sick even if they do not,” before adding, off the record, “We thought it was bad enough when they started lighting their water on fire, now it’s coming out of the faucet dark brown. In a major city! What the fuck are you people doing with all your money up there?”

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Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.
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StarDagger
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StarDagger

Terran fools, poisoning themselves.
Americans have no idea how to run an Empire!

They need Romulan help, unfortunately for them, we are helping the European Union.

Dan Lovingood
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This is why vile anti-regulation Republicans must be excised from office all across America.

StarDagger
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StarDagger

Terran fools, poisoning themselves.
Americans have no idea how to run an Empire!

They need Romulan help, unfortunately for them, we are helping the European Union.

Dan Lovingood
Guest

This is why vile anti-regulation Republicans must be excised from office all across America.