Grass Valley, CA — On Saturday, a large group of Mormons assembled in front of Zen’s Metaphysical Hideaway, in Grass Valley. ZMH, as it is known to patrons, is a clothing optional resort that allows people to bare it all and give the finger to textile normees.
The protest group were lined up along Cottage Hill Drive, singing religious songs, and carrying signs. Elder Mike Hunt, the self-imposed leader of the group, told Gish Gallop, “Nudity is an abomination before the Lord! There is all manner of indecency and moral decay going on in there!” When asked what sorts of things were going on inside, Elder Hunt responded, “Why, it’s a regular Sodomy and Gonorrhea in there. Naked bodies writhing about, twisted together in Satanic perversity!” Then the group started chanting, “Satanic Perversity! Satanic Perversity!”
Sister Lilac Hunt told Gish Gallop, “These people should be ashamed! My skin is crawling just being outside of the gates! Thank goodness I have my magic underwear to protect me from their Satanic powers!”
We asked various protesters how they knew what sort of things were going on inside the compound. According to them, after their scripture study they have been peering through the bushes every Friday evening for 8 weeks. When asked why it took 8 weeks of surveillance, Elder Hunt whispered “We have witnessed many unholy acts; we just wanted to be sure we saw what we saw.”
Gish Gallop contacted Zen’s by telephone. General Manager Edith Head had no comment about the protest, other than the protesters were marching in an area where the resort’s urinals drain.
On a lighter note, the local Mormons announced 77 new pregnancies in the last 8 weeks.