America — Despite Republican successes in national and local elections in the past six years, and a persistent media campaign in largely Right Wing news outlets, most Americans are still unclear where the hell Benghazi is. Even after several Congressional hearings trying to pin the blame on then-Secretary of State and former Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, most Americans think Benghazi is somewhere in Asia.
“I dunno where it is,” commented Ken Rice of Cedar Ridge. “It sounds Chinese to me. Is it in China? I keep hearing that name all over the place, and I kind of wish they’d stop saying that. It’s a weird word.”
Benghazi is the second-largest city in Libya and was the main topic of largely conservative American political forces after the 2012 attack on a diplomatic compound, killing former locally born U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and several of his security detail. According to conservatives and other crazy people, the Benghazi incident was part of a large conspiracy, led by Hillary Clinton to cover up Executive Branch incompetence just before the 2012 election. And every election for the next 27 years.
More recently, there have been claims of a broader batshit-crazy conspiracy to funnel arms to Syrian rebels via some Benghazi diplomatic cover-up.
But Her Emails
Recently, the Libyan city has re-entered the political debate following the gruesome murder of Saudi-born journalist Jamal Khashoggi in Turkey. Various right-wing media outlets and a handful of left-of-the-bell-curve Trump supporters have attempted to draw a moral equivalence between the systematic slaughtering of a critic of the House of Saud, and something that has absolutely nothing to do that.
Hillary Clinton’s name has been mentioned often in an ineloquent attempt to change the subject. All this misinformation has led to even more confusion about where Benghazi is. And according to area racist Terry Adkinson, America needs to respond with force to maintain its status as Earth’s #1 badass.
“People died there,” said Mr. Adkinson, outside local Chinese restaurant Panda Express. “Wherever that is. Hell if I know. Around Israel, I suppose. It’s another example of our ‘community organizer in chief’s lack of leadership. Reagan would have bombed the snot out those anti-Israel Benghazi-ans. As will Trump now that we have this Muslim out the White House. I can’t believe the American people were so stupid to elect Obama.”
According to conservative insiders, they will continue to blame the Obama administration and Hillary Clinton over the Benghazi incident even though they are no longer in charge of anything. As one local conservative blogger opined, “we can’t let the Progressives ignore Obama’s continued desire the destroy America. They would have never let Republicans get away with this.”