Hollywood — New accusations from several Muppets raise new questions about their creator Jim Henson and possible inappropriate touching by him. The allegations were first reported yesterday by several of the puppets who wished to remain anonymous.

The allegations published yesterday in The New York Times and other news outlets, in which at least five Muppets accused Jim Henson of inappropriate behavior, have added to the seemingly ever-growing list of men accused of inappropriate behavior which include comedian Louis CK, film producer Harvey Weinstein and at least 50% of the Baldwin brothers.

“I always used to ask ‘how far should a girl go on the first date?’ Well, the answer is Tucson. However, if you live in Texas, you can probably go a bit farther,” said one unnamed accuser as she aggressively tossed back her hair and screaming ‘High-Yaw!’ “But I realized that kind of talk just enabled and defended some very bad behavior. But I can’t live with the fact that I felt violated with Jim’s hand constantly up my, well, I can’t think about it.”

According to a 40,000-word dossier obtained by cable news network CNN, of the five unnamed Muppets, two were female, and 3 were male. All had similar complaints not only of Mr. Henson but other puppeteers who the victims claim subjected them to years of hands up to their rear ends. However, only Mr. Henson is mentioned in the document.

“Vell, let me-a tell yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!” Exclaimed a Muppet who wished to remain anonymous for this report. “I cunseeder myselff a herd vurker und it’s shemeffool hefeeng tu vurk under thuse-a cundeeshuns. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Joost poot yuoorselff in my seetooeshun, OoK? I’m chuppeeng und sleecing veet zeese-a sherp kneefes, und zeere’s sume-a vumun veet her hund up my reer ind fur huoors et a teeme-a. Und nu, she-a nefer esked permeessiun. Bork bork bork!”

According to the New York Times, all the Muppets have retained lawyer Gloria Allred as a council, but have no immediate plans to pursue legal relief.

“It is very frightening to feel alone when you are standing against a rich and powerful person and all his attendant helpers,” said Ms. Allred in a prepared statement. “There are endless new variations on how to hurt a Muppet physically, emotionally, financially, and socially, the least of which is shoving your hand up their rear ends for hours at a time.”

As Jim Henson passed away several years ago, Disney, who now owns the Muppet enterprise, released a terse statement denying that Mr. Henson and his crew did anything wrong.

“These allegations are completely false and misleading,” said Disney spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “Isn’t it suspicious? The timing of this? This has to be the most vicious and nasty round of attacks against a real American we’ve ever seen. If Mr. Henson were alive today, he’d be appalled at the accusations. They had plenty of time to complain. It’s been many years, why does it even matter anymore?”

Jim Henson’s backers have shown no sign of giving up on him, with many say the Muppet’s allegations are probably linked to an upcoming book deal.

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Dirtmover

Finally… A group with a legit bitch.

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Finally… A group with a legit bitch.