Washington, D.C. — A number of news outlets, pundits, and public figures have reportedly begun planning for the inauguration of Hillary Clinton as President of the United States by pre-writing opinion and news pieces implying her incompetence, hatred of America, femininity, or lack of femininity are at fault for events they can insert as needed.
“I think it’s important we ease into blaming Hillary over about a six month period so people aren’t taken off guard,” said bloated addict and radio host Rush Limbaugh.
Many user groups on the popular social networking site Facebook have already started shifting from “THANKS OBAMA,” as their default explanation for anything negative happening in the world, to, “THANKS HILLARY.”
“Obviously the Republican party has been blaming Hillary since the mid-90s for everything from her husband’s infidelity to someone she knew committing suicide,” said retired Speaker of the House John Boehner. “We’ve been playing the long game here folks, and now no matter how many fact checker sites tell people Hillary lies less than most other politicians, everyone thinks she’s a liar.”
“She could tell people it’s sunny outside at noon and they’d swear it was a liberal conspiracy,” he clucked proudly.
While there’s a slight chance the Republican nominee, Donald Trump, can stop insulting people long enough to run a campaign, risk-averse organizations aren’t taking chances.
“We’re already writing headlines about how outrageous her behavior was yesterday, with click-bait phrasing and the standard cut-and-paste fear mongering,” said one staffer from the Fox News show The O’Reilly Factor, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “All we have to do is fill in whatever detail happened. Maybe a trip to Japan where she went to the wrong museum or something. It doesn’t really matter. We could probably start releasing them now and get just as much traction. It’s not like our viewers check any of this shit.”