Natural Gas Speculators Betting on Siberian Methane Burp

Seth Bedderford is gonna make a ton of money and then suffocate to death.
Seth Bedderford is gonna make a ton of money and then suffocate to death.

Chicago, IL — Natural gas commodity speculators are betting on a large methane release from the frozen Siberian tundra which will drive natural gas prices down to record levels and end most life on Earth, an industry insider reported on Friday.

“We’re very excited about the prospect of global warming-produced methane releases in the Siberian Tundra,” said Seth Bedderford, a commodities trader and analyst for the firm Vitol. “One of the real upsides of climate change and the warming planet, is the extraordinary release of methane. If we short the trades, we can make a huge bucket of cash when the prices fall through the floor.”

Arctic methane release is the release of methane from seas and soils in permafrost regions of the Arctic. While a long-term natural process, it may be exacerbated by global warming. This results in a positive feedback effect, as methane is itself a powerful greenhouse gas. It is estimated that the west Siberian bog alone has some 70 billion metric tons of methane, a quarter of all the methane stored on the land surface of the world. This is the equivalent to emitting 1.7 trillion tons of CO2.

“Sure, there are some downsides,” continued Mr. Bedderford, “like the quick and unstable rise of global temperatures, flooding and then followed by the massive extinction of all animal life on Earth, but this is an investment strategy for the ages. And think of the low energy prices for the poor. We can’t forget about them, even if they’re dead.”

Scientists disagree on the timing of this catastrophic event, but just about all agree that it’s coming in some form.