Pyongyang, North Korea — In a rare public statement, North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un condemned the recent depiction of a decapitated model of President Trump. This is only the 4th public statement by the supreme leader since he took control in 2011.
“This is an example of the kinds of massacres committed by the U.S. imperialist aggressors against the supreme leader, evidently showed that they are cannibals and homicides seeking pleasure in slaughter,” said Kim Jong-un speaking of himself abstractly in the third person via the DPRK’s official news service. “Kathleen Griffith [sic] is worse than a dog and is a dirty prostitute; she is a cannibal who seeks pleasure in havoc in hurting the dignity of the supreme leadership. The United States reaps what it sows and their immorality will be their undoing.”
Kim Jong-un, for all of his anti-American rhetoric, is a great fan of American pop culture like his late father Kim Jong-il. He is an avid follower of American basketball, The Washington Post reported in 2009 that Kim Jong-un’s school friends recalled he “spent hours doing meticulous pencil drawings of Chicago Bulls superstar Michael Jordan.” According to diplomatic sources, “Kim Jong-un likes to drink and party all night like his father and ordered the [imported sauna] equipment to help him beat hangovers and fatigue.” He is also a fan of the iconic 1970s situational comedy The Mary Tyler Moore Show and is rumored to own every single episode on video tape.
However, not wasting a moment, President Trump took to Twitter early Saturday morning to join forces with the dictator.
When asked for clarification from the White House, Press Secretary Sean Spicer took a rare moment to comment early Sunday morning.
“I don’t know why you people in the press have to make such a big deal about every single syllable the President tweets,” said Mr. Spicer emerging from the hedges that surround his Washington-area residence. “The president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant, and like everything else the press does, they didn’t get it. That’s all we’re going to say about it.”
Kathy Griffin’s civil rights lawyer Lisa Bloom said the embattled comedian is under tremendous pressure from all sides and this is but another example of the bullying she is subject to from “the powerful.” Ms. Bloom said there would be no further comment, but did mention that Ms. Griffin is reconsidering her scheduled performances in Pyongyang later this summer.