Atlanta, GA — According to the Official News of Democratic Peoples Republic of North Korea, the alienated communist country has successfully stolen and re-created Coca-Cola. In an early-morning tweet, the DPRK News Service announced that leader Kim Jong-un had his first drink of that they’re calling the “imperialist liquor” made on Korean soil.
“It is a great day for the forces imperialism and global capitalist hegemony have been defeated by the Great Defender, his most gracious and noble Kim Jong-un,” said the DPRK news release. “The taste of victory is indeed as sweet as can be and has the United States retreating in shame.”
It’s unclear how the North Koreans were able to successfully hack the recipe of the nation’s most popular soda pop, but clearly many Americans are greatly angered by what they see as a great crime.
“Well I hope Trump takes this seriously and does something about it now,” said Greenville, North Carolina resident and ardent Trump supporter Roger Gill. “I mean, don’t you feel invaded? Like they took something that is a national treasure. Look, I saw Trump drinking a Coke on his plane with some KFC. I know this kind of crap pisses him off as much as it pisses me off. I expect retaliation soon. They’re not going to get away with this.”
A spokesperson for the beverage giant downplayed the hacking, saying that it was a minor security infraction involving a former disgruntled employee.
“It’s unclear whether this incident actually involved any hacking whatsoever,” said Coca-Cola Director of Communication Bethany Millbright. “Of course we are investigating the claims and we are fully cooperating with the Department of Homeland Security on this matter. We have no further comment.”
Coke stocks closed up in early morning trading on the hacking news.